There's Nothing Left Here

In all honesty you've seen the last there is of me to see because there's nothing left there to see. So don't be surprised if I've stopped caring about most of the dumb shit people worry about on a day to day basis and don't be shocked if I sound bitter. I am bitter, I'm going to be bitter and the reasoning behind this is because not only do I never get what I want, I never even get what I need. I never even get to be happy or enjoy something as simple as a really close friend.

All I asked was to keep this one thing so I'd have some level of sanity left, someone to ground me here in the world and to support me. Yeah I have other friends but none have had the effect of this one in the short time that she was there. So I don't want to drag this out, I just want to say don't expect me to be the same. I'm not, I'm not going to be for a long time. I promised I would be better when all of this is over, but I really don't see how I will.

I lost a friend, and it might be for a long time. It might not. Yes I'm hurting over it but this is only the latest thing to have gone wrong in a string of things I can't even begin to comprehend. Above all else I wanted this one person by my side and it seems she wouldn't be due to circumstances that neither of us can control.

One of my best friends gone, and all I can say is that this is probably the worst year yet. It's not even Feburary and I feel like that already. My spirit's pretty much crushed and I don't even want to know what the rest of this time is going to hold, I just want her back.

Sometimes The Hardest Thing And The Right One Are the Same

Have you ever said something to someone only to realize exactly what you were saying later and to really come to grasp it? I was talking about this song by The Fray with the line in it "Sometimes the hardest thing and right one are the same..." That line right there may not mean much when you look at it, but it makes me wonder.

There are always those times when you say you're going to work through something no matter what it is and you are going to get things to work out, then there are those times when you just give up and let things fall by the wayside. But how do you decide when its just time to throw in the towel? Right now there is this girl, she seems unattainable. She's younger, she's moving away and she just seems too nice and too good looking for me. Despite every other girl that comes around I have been unable to get her off my mind since the moment I heard her name.

Even she is always telling me to try for what I want and to fight for it, does that mean she wants to see me do that for her? I'm not sure if I have much more fight left in me. And then, how do you let someone know that all you want and need in life is them really? You can't just say it to someone like that, there's no way that could be taken the right way.

Now there is another girl, who I really haven't known long, but I am willing to try if she is. The only thing is that I don't want to miss my chance with the first girl. I'm so confused as to what to do. Both of them are really sweet and I don't know where do go with either of them next.

Not sure if anyone else has ever been in this place, but it is not fun. Right now I am racking my brain thinking about it. Man I suck at life.