Goodnight

I'm sick again, I just woke up and its 4 AM, I don't know why I can't sleep right. Today has been full of ups and downs and it was a friends birthday, I only wish I could have sent her something or even been there for her. I feel like right now no one cares about anyone else, people forget a girl's bithday, a girl who by all means deserves far greater things, another friend is hurt and her friends blame her because she didn't want to be with a guy she didn't love. She's saving hherself and that guy heartache in the long run by breaking it off now, and when I left her this comment:

You might be right, you might just love him in a different way, there's really nothing wrong with that, you can't make yourself love someone, no matter how perfect they are being to you. Love has to just happen and when you love someone as a friend and they want more its hard to keep lying to yourself, you'll be around them and still feel like you shoudln't have crossed that barrier or maybe even like you're doing something wrong. And while its not wrong the feeling just lingers.

Now granted I don't know much about you or this guy, but I'm just trying to tell you what it could be. It could be something different, a chemical imbalance or something, or it could even stem from you thinking that you don't deserve something good like this. You even mentioned that you think you didn't.

Look don't worry about what others say, you do deserve all of this, you're such a great person and so nice and kind. Not to mention beautiful. You helped me out so much when I was feeling down and I'm thankful for it. Now you have to do what is right for you, ****.

Search really hard, if you believe that you don't love him the same way you have to tell him. Any true friend will understand. I know I've heard it from girls several times and I don't get mad at them or lose friends over it. But be careful don't let your doubts tell you that you don't deserve to love him, because you do.

I know all of this must be hard to sort out, I hope you're back to who you want to be soon. Even if you find out its not exactly the same as you were. It's was always fun talking to you on messenger. Even when you weren't having the best day I could somehow just tell you were smiling.

I just felt like she needed to know that others can't dictate her behavior, just like in Clerks they say that status does not dictate behavior. It's true, she shouldn't have to date this guy just because she and he look good together or any of that other high school drama bullshit.

I may be depressed still, but I know how to defend myself, I know how I can help some people out too. Other's well they can just go to Hell. I don't need to go into all of that. Have you ever had a dream and woke up not remembering it? Well I did and all I can remember is pain. Somethng bad is coming, I don't know why. I've never thought one of my dreams was real before. But this left me in so much pain I can feel it still, even awake. Only thing is what the hell was that dream?

I can't be sure, but I will say this, after an awkward thank you helping someone out, what would have been a bad day just got up a bit on the day-o-meter.

What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight, so long and goodnight.