Freedom?

I can't help but think I did something wrong, and it seemed this year started off so good. Well at least it seemed to. Maybe its that I worry too much and when things are like this I can't stop worrying and its all that I can do. I can't notice the things around me or the people, I just have that one thought in my head and its nagging and bothering me. There's no way to be rid of it, to just push it out like waste or garbage or something I don't need.

You develop a lot of connections to things, or you can. But it seems that when you do, you run a higher risk of getting hurt or into trouble. That's the problem, when you have nothing to live for, there's no risk in anything you do. You're free, probably in its most true form. But when you invest in something and open yourself up, its the risk and that's what gets to me. I'm not sure how I would react if I was just someone with no one to care about, no one to worry over. I've never been that person. I spend so much time worrying about something or other.

The things that used to bring me some clarity are failing now and I just can't really count on them because of what I am seeing. It seems in a way everything in the world is failing down around us, and so many of us have so much invested in so many risky things. It might seem odd, but those things that worry other people, the fear that they feel about the war, or the economy and such, aren't what is in the front of my mind. It's other things, things about myself. I think that worries me far more than anything.