There's thoughts that I wish I could vocalize, thoughts that seem to be hidden from even me. I guess you were wrong, I guess that sometimes I'm scared of what certain other people might think. More importantly I am scared of what I might think...if I actually have to say these things out loud doesn't that make them true? If I vocalize this...someone hears it, even if its only me.
I can write this, because this keyboard, this monitor, its therapeutic. Maybe its a partial admission of guilt to an anonymous audience, maybe that really doesn't mean much. But there's still so much I can't face yet. There are things I'm scared to admit to myself, to others.
Failure is a scary thing, and when you've failed its something that can really eat at you. Sometimes, I think everything I do is just an attempt not to fail. If I set goals, if I try, if I make an effort and still fail...then that means I really can't do it. But if I do nothing, well then...no one expects someone who does nothing to get anywhere...
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