A Reason To Like Redheads?

Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany.

The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour.

He said: "The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average. The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation."

He added that women who dyed their hair red from another colour were signaling they were looking for a partner, and added: "Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know they are unhappy if they dye their hair red. They are saying that they are looking for something better."

Psychologist Christine Baumanns said however that it may not be the women who were to blame for the better sex lives of redheads.

She said: "Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won't mess around, and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex."

I will let the article speak for itself now:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-400779/Redheads-sex-blondes-brunettes.html#ixzz0uAjeZrvr

Kelly Thompson Art Expedition

 

Love her – she’s so talented and she draws a lot of something I like – Redheads.

Link: http://www.kellythompson.co.nz/

Thank you

Thank you for showing up just in time. You always seem to be there to pull me out of the fire.

Friend?

It seems I was wrong, you know little to nothing of being friends or how to work with others and reciprocate in a friendship. I think the fact of what you’re doing is lost on you. I think your hypocritical statements don’t even occur to you, they’re so far off your radar they might as well be an actively camouflaged stealth jet.

You wonder why I close people out or why I behave how I do sometimes? Well this is it. I don’t need to justify my reactions to others because this is why I have them.

And I’ve no doubt you’ll come sulking back to act like you never left and nothing changed, and you’ll expect me to do the same. Well its not going to happen.

This Maze

It’s been a hard last month, my father was in the hospital and he’s home now recovering slowly. But it might take up to a year for him to be fully well again. He had to have surgery on his heart and he would have been dead if he’d had a heart attack. I really have to thank God that we were lucky enough to make it through this and have him back with us.

This blog is something I need too, I’ve become dependent on it. When things are going badly, when I am missing someone, when I don’t know what to do and I can’t really vocalize my thoughts they flow out through me in the form of words, not beautiful words and there’s nothing special about them. They’re raw and true and they’re sometimes the things I don’t say because I don’t know I need to.

Lately I have been listening a lot to John Mayer, I’ve always been a fan of his since the song “Waiting on the World to Change” came out, though I never actually had it in my collection until now. The song that has me caught right now is called “Daughters”, just writing about it makes me want to give it a listen.

But the opening lyrics are some of my favorites because they express something I feel and a second thought I sometimes wonder about different girls I come across. The two thoughts don’t necessarily connect, I like the maze idea, that a girl’s not simple; that she’s not a prize to be won but you do need to appreciate her and deserve.

Though in the second part of the opening, you see that not all mazes are good and not all of the problems a person has are your fault:

I know a girl / She puts the color inside of my world / She’s just like a maze / Where all of the walls all continually change /And I’ve done all I can / To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand / I’m starting to see maybe its got nothing to do with me /

Love this song, if you think you didn’t like Mayer, I say give it a listen. It can change your mind.

Back Home

Well they’re bringing my father back to Houston today to do the surgery, apparently the Beaumont Hospitals were ill equipped or some such.

Camisado

Been avoiding writing this here, mostly because it seemed like it might be a short term thing. My father is in the hospital with a hear problem they think, though the tests keep coming back normal, today they’re going to inject a kind of dye and try and find the clot. I just wanted to put this down somewhere because it is important to me and it worries me and writing about things usually makes me feel a little better.

Also, I think I have seriously damaged my foot, I can barely stand on it.

Protester

Stopped by a gas station today after dropping off my nephew, I was exhausted and hadn’t slept but an hour and when I walked up people were protesting Israel and the flotilla thing. One of the guys asked me what I thought about Israel’s actions.

Hm, let’s see, what do I think about a country checking boats for weapons, getting attacked, defending themselves and still trying to deliver said aid to the people it was meant for only to have it refused?

I said, “I find it hilarious.”

This guy grabs my arm, now I had just stopped to get water. I looked at him and told him, “Take your hand off of me before I take it away from you.”

Needless to say he got out of my way.

Dexter

Been watching Dexter lately, first season. I have to say that there’s something I am seeing here. Its a pattern. But I am getting it slowly and I think I know where this is going, or where I think it is going.

I am hoping its more surprising than just what I think and I know it will be.

The Long Road

There’s still a lot to do, but there’s a slight promise out there now of progress and that’s enough for me. I am starting to wish I wrote in this thing more and starting to wish I had named this blog, “The Promise of Progress”.

Maybe some other time, eh?

Writing Points

Well I have hit the 52,737 Word mark. It looks like I am actually showing some progress these days.

Get Ready

The reminder of things going on, I need to keep this note here to make sure that I realize what I am doing. I need to start thinking of the next step and stop living just in the now. I have a lot to consider and I don’t want to encounter anything that I could have prepared for but didn’t.

Someone get Rory out of Doctor Who

Seriously, he’s ruining everything!

Post

Been far too long since I have written here. Don’t have much to say right now though. I am just working a lot more on the novel and trying to pump out an actual readable product. I will be posting here more often again.

Untitled.

What’s worse than the rudeness and the subtle hint of dislike is just simply not caring. It seems to be the way of things, if you can just not care about someone until you need something from them, not even think about them—it won’t matter what they say or do. You just don’t have to care.

And it is really hard to make someone start caring and to make them pay attention. I used to be the master at trying  and fighting to be noticed by others. I think you reach a point where just stop and to some degree stop worrying about it.

But everyone is going to wonder what at least one person thinks about them. There’s always that one who’s opinion you value and usually its more than one person. The thing is, that it hurts more than anything to realize that you don’t mean anything to someone, that you’re not special in the least to them and you’re totally, helplessly replaceable.

Then all you’re left to wonder is if they ever cared and why you still do.

Truthful?

It’s always great, when writing, to have someone you can trust to be as truthful and even as brutal as possible in their assessment of your work.

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

I realize why I don’t get my hopes up on things and the like, its become pretty apparent considering that when I do or don’t do it, the result is the same. Things typically don’t go how I would have hoped. I think that hoping would have actually made it worse.

Angry

I want to tell you how I really feel about everything, but thinking about it makes me angry and I really don’t want to be angry with you. I’d much rather just stay angry with myself and never let this out.

On the Ball

I realize, what good is it with me telling you I have faith and to push through when I won’t even try to do the same myself. I need to get on the ball.

Best/Worst of the People

I just heard the most selfish fucking thing I have ever heard come out of a minister's mouth.

He was talking about the economy and saying basically that the reason why he doesn't believe in socialism is because he is "not of this world" and therefore the problems with the economy don't effect him and aren't his problem.

He went on to say, "When they are having their worst of times and its my best of times, why should I help out?"

How can anyone talk like that?

Wikileaks Video

Well its been all over the news and the web, the military has been accused of shooting some people who appear to have been journalists in Iraq in 2007. People have been pretty quick to call fault on the military, but most of them don’t really know jack shit about war, so let’s begin there.

I talked to several service people on a forum, one them who owns an RPG launcher himself, (Israeli) and they all said they couldn’t tell that it was a camera. I showed some military people I know personally, they couldn’t tell either. I couldn’t tell, though I am not that well versed in every type of rocket propelled grenade launcher. The tripod, which people also claim to see isn’t any  kind of sign that a camera is in use, snipers use tripods too.

People forget, that a bow and arrow can shoot a helicopter down…an RPG can utterly destroy it in mid air. And everyone is so quick to blame the soldiers, but you’d have done the same thing.

Let’s be honest, you're out there and not just in charge of soldiers. You're in charge of someone's son, and someone's father, and someone's husband and someone's friend, perhaps your own. The saddest part is that if that helicopter had been shot down by and RPG launcher, no one would post that story, no one would give a flying fuck and some might openly mock the military for the losses.

Then an unmarked van pulls up, of course they shoot that too. The van could have had a rocket launcher or worse inside of it. Even if it picked the people up, it doesn’t make the van not connected.

The kid in the back of the van, I can say with with a great deal of certainty that the helicopter didn’t shoot him…do you know why?

Because the bullet that goes in a 20mm machine gun would more than likely rip the kid in two and he wouldn’t have survived for them to evacuate him. So either he was injured earlier or it was shrapnel. Why do people think that medics wear those red crosses? For the symbolic nature of a red cross? No its because it keeps you from getting shot while doing your job. The same goes for ambulances, medivac choppers and the like.

So what we have here is an honest mistake blown out of proportion by a website whom had to have gotten this video through some illegal means and has been accused as such by other governments. We have a video where there appears to be someone with a gun, at least once and some news people standing near them. People, you can’t stand in a warzone and hold a gun without someone trying to shoot you and you can’t expect the military to have a helicopter wait around by a potential rocket launcher for someone on the ground to jog over and confirm.

Be realistic people.

The Kind of Case That Makes You Worry About Our Culture…

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sns-ap-us-teen-sister-sex,0,3357813.story

Long story short: A fifteen year old girl went to a party, her seven year old sister, worried, followed her. At the party, the older girl was having sex with someone and it somehow led to her taking cash in exchange for letting the men gang rape her sister…

I don’t think I can say anything good about any of the people involved in this. The reports say seven people joined in on the rape—let’s excuse the fact that gang rape makes little to no sense to me in the first place—how do you wander up and see someone raping a seven year old and take any action other than leaving or trying to intervene.

There are some crimes where you are excused or even expected to join in. Looting, riots, fleeing an area when cops come in a little too enthusiastically…

Rape is something that should disgust and bother anyone so much that they should be going to call 911 right off the bat. Let’s take another case: A fifteen year Irish girl who lived in Massachusetts was sexually harassed, assaulted and stalked to the point of committing suicide. 

Many school officials saw some of the behavior going on, while they didn’t join in, no one stopped it. I remember the whole “Don’t Snitch” thing that went around for a long time in hip hop culture and how people were so quick to make fun of it. But the culture of the land seems to be at best based on “It’s not my problem” and in some cases we just join in. The issue shows up time and time again, people being mistreated in public and no one saying anything about it. No one even caring.

I understand there are times you don’t butt in and its not your place. But it should be obvious when someone is being physically hurt for no reason or no good one, that’s not one of them.

Issues in the Dark

The other night when I drove home it was around eight at night. In the winter it would have been pitch black by then, but it’s just getting really dark at that time. Even then, I noticed I could hardly see. It seemed so hard to drive and just see the road and I mentioned it to my dad.

He blamed the lack of the moon.

Then last night it happened again, under the biggest moon I’ve ever seen in the sky. Now I am getting scared I might have night blindness, I’m hoping its something else or just my imagination. But we shall see tonight.

Long Road

Having someone with whom to bounce ideas off of has been pretty good when it comes to writing because I can get a sense of what I need to do to make my own work come out better.

A lot of my work with the story has been concentrating on the second novel but I think that I realize that now I need to refocus on the first and getting it into a workable product for someone to read.

Things that I had planned and wanted to do before in different stories, I figure I should do them now. I think I should make everything I think should happen, happen and not hold back for some later thing. Most importantly I think that if you hold all of your ideas for some later tale, why wouldn’t someone just read that if all the good ideas are going there?

To those out there that have edited, helped me sort things out and read over something—thank you. There’s still a long road to go.

A Measure of Progress

I found a story that I read when I was younger and first coming into my own as a writer. It was around the time I stopped writing fan fiction and started writing my own characters and worlds…

It was a story from the perspective of a soldier killed by Snake (the main character from Metal Gear Solid). It went on in detail to describe the soldiers feelings and thoughts as he died and it painted him as remorseful and someone to be thought of as more than a useless pawn…

…reading it now it’s like pretentious garbage. I can’t believe that a younger me would be taken in by this kind of thing. It’s a measure of maturity and of progress. Back then I thought it was so deep and so beautiful and poetic. Now I almost laugh to read it. Which I know is wrong, but I think that this says more about me than my old writing compared to my writing now.

Back then I thought, “If I could just write like that I would be set.”

Now what I am aspiring to do is so much more.

Random Facts About John Mayer #1

Fact #106: The fragrances used in Axe Body Spray were all extracted from John Mayer’s sweat.

Fact #233: It’s said that if 44,000 people gather with guitars and strum an “E” all at the exact same moment, John Mayer will be summoned.

Fact #14: John Mayer’s not dead, but he’s preformed concerts in both Heaven and Hell before.

Fact #77: Mayer prefers to sleep on couches, but in a pinch he’ll take where ever it may be that he passes out.

People

I realize more and more every day how little I am coming to care about people online and just in general. Everyone wants to be the exception, they want you to treat them differently than you do others. They want to be able to do something to you and get away freely with it while you get bitched at for everything you do to them.

People are pretty much scum. There’s few exceptions and there are times when people can seem good but they’re mostly selfish, probably all selfish and few are worth the amount of water you’d have to drink to piss on them.

Grow Up

I can’t call you friend anymore and the worst part about it is: I don’t know why.

I’ve facebook messaged, emailed, IMed and sent messages on sites we both go to over the last couple of months and there’s been no response since practically Christmas. It’s not like you haven’t been on or have made an effort to hide that you’ve been on. If you don’t want to talk to someone, be a grown up and just tell them.

A real friend can make time to say something back, to at least say hi. I’ve got busier friends under more pressure that do it.

Yet you seem to make time to talk to everyone who doesn’t know you and to make small talk with people whom you, yourself would have admitted mattered. You could make all of the excuses you want, but its plain to see you don’t want to make the time and its shitty that I’ve wasted this much of my time trying to keep up with you.

If this is the fickle way you treat friends, why would anyone worth a shit want to be your friend?

Just…No

I had a girl ask me out, she was mildly cute and a little bit funny but this girl couldn’t spell. And when I say couldn’t spell, what I mean is couldn’t speak. It wasn’t any better in person and it was worse over text.

I’m sorry, I can’t date a girl who can’t spell as well as my youngest niece. I refuse to put myself through the emotional torment of being subjected to constant stupidity and bad grammar.

Sorry, just no.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Just like the old days, I sat down and conquered this show and I am happy I did. Forty episodes in a little under two days. That’s fourteen hours of the show, basically down to a T. And I forgot how it felt to watch something like that where I cared about the characters and was ready to celebrate with them and overly eager to see what happens next.

I’m glad I watched it.

Declaration

Today I’m putting pen to paper, figuratively, but the writing is literal and there’s no time for person commitments and nothing else can come first except God. This needs to be done to completion and it needs to be seen through because I didn’t promise it to myself. It’s not a personal commitment, its a commitment I’ve made to whatever it is that drives me, call it faith, call it a muse, call it the story in my head fighting to get out.

But today, I’m writing with as little fear as possible and I’m writing with a determination and goal I’ve not possessed in some time.

This is my declaration.

Care? It’s hard to…

-snip-

Good Month?

I kind of get the feeling, it might be a good month.

No Title

Whether what I saw was a mistake on your part or a lie, I think that it might have put a nail in the coffin of friends I can trust these days.

I can’t say that I actually thought I would get what I wanted this year. It was silly for me to even consider it a possibility.

Cutting Away

It looks like I might need to do a little house cleaning, its time to cut some of the things I have clung to away. Not in the literal, real life sense. But in the sense of my writing. Some of the ideas I have bonded with over the years in terms of my writing have grown more and more unnecessary with every rewrite. More than ever I’m seeing that now.

So when I edit or get back to writing, I am doing away with a lot. A lot of characters, a lot of concepts and I am taking things down to a basic level again and writing about a smaller group of people.

So its going to be a long road and the rewrite promises to be even harder when I have to cut so much away and as Stephen King put it murder my darlings. There’s a lot of contemplation going into who should stay and who shouldn’t, because in my head I want to keep all of them but I know if I do, it won’t be as good.

Pulp Fiction

It’s like a bad dream,
Something from the back of a magazine
Black and white and cheaply put together
Like a Slasher Film
I’m torn in opposite directions
The plot sucks
But the killings are gorgeous

Weekend Web

I don’t know why I do this shit, every few months I go on Weekend Web and start reading articles and there’s always that one that you know is going to be bad but you read it and you can just feel…

…well have you ever felt your soul suddenly be crushed by a huge invisible fist? That’s what weekend web does to you.

 

*For those who don’t know—weekend web is a section on Somethingawful.com where they go and find messed up forums and post screen shots of the messed up stuff they say.

A Gunshot Romance

She sits upright in the bed with the midmorning light filtering through the clouds and blinds onto her sweat dewed skin. Her own sweat and his.

And on the other side of the bed he’s sleeping covered with her excess sheets and the gunpowder scent of cigarettes. His arm is against her hand and she wants this to last, but she knows it’s like the dozen other times they’ve been in these same positions. She knows that in the expanse of her life this is but a flash.

As romantic as it may be, the moment passes in no time. It’s in the struggle for closeness. Then fumbling and the archaic motions and meeting of bodies. In the moments between he loves her and they’re insatiably locked together. Those same instances give way to a moment of clarity. That this is the perfect fit.

Like a bullet and gun.

Regardless of the duration of the encounter, the end is inevitable. Even if she sighs in perfect time with his movements and moans right there’s no bonus time rewarded. Real life doesn’t have to reward for efforts and improvement. Sometimes you do something over and over with the same, horrible, lonely result.

In the morning, it’s over. The flash of the muzzle, the kick and bucking recoil and the bullet’s expelled.

She sits upright in the bed as he sleeps next to her and wonders how many times she can pull that trigger before it dry fires.

There’s Much to Be Done

I need to get back into writing, I burned out so fast this time. Not because of lack of ideas or a block, but just because there was no will left to press forward with what I had. I don’t know how to fix this, but I just need to force through it.

Show Your Progress

Having been having to blog so much lately. Don’t have much to talk about, the news stuff I usually post is pretty much all I could post on and even that has been kind of the “same ol’, same ol’”. So as kind of a mark in the sand and a way to show progress in posting in this thing more often, I am making this post now. Now to post on anything in particular but to show I am still here.

More Climate Truth…that you’ll never hear.

Taken from something I saw on the show Nova…

Recent studies of rock and soil samples taken from underwater, upright caves in the Caribbean called blue holes revealed something rather startling in the way of climate change evidence. Over the last 11,000 years ago there have been many climate change events. Some coming on rapidly but some coming on in as little as fifty years.

Preceding the rapid climate change events there is a layer of red sediment found, red being the color of iron usually. Upon closer inspection, the people who looked though this red formation of dust found that it was not just iron, but it was dust from the Sahara desert.

How does dust get across the ocean in such high amounts? Well during periods of drought the dust dries out and is carried by the wind and settles in these caves. A corresponding drought can be seen in the Sahara before each of these climate change events. What’s more interesting is the drought in the desert now mirrors them and that most of these change events happened before humans had any means to cause them. (which shoots to shit all the global warming stuff you hear people toting)

Considering the desert there has been in a drought for about the past fifty years, it looks like we’re on the cusp of such an event right now. It also means that this isn’t the fault of humans and there’s more than likely nothing we can do but ride it out.

Don’t expect to hear this on any of the big news channels or anywhere that the public can see it. The going green fad has become big business and people like Al Gore stand to line their pockets from the narcissistic myth that we are the sole and only contributor to what he calls the ruination of Earth. Even though anyone who’s taken an entry level geography class can look at a soil sample and tell you how much of a lie that is.

Pimp Hand

Pimp Hand
1. (n.) A sign of virility, strength or social efficacy. An informal measure of one's ability to mack, pimp, or generally to get play, action or get your freak on. Generally characterized as "strong" or "weak."
2. To "exercise one's pimp hand": to increase one's skill at short-term sexual interactions, or to demonstrate such.
3. One's ability to control one's bitches.
4. A back-handed slap, used to emphasize superiority, or a forthcoming need to choke a bitch.
1. Damn, son! Yo' ass picked up some *fine* bitches last night! Yo' pimp hand is strong!
2. You're losing your touch, man. Come out to the club tonight so we can exercise your pimp hand.
3. His strong pimp hand keeps his hos in line.
4. You gonna take that shit?! Introduce yo' pimp hand to that bitch ass motherfucker!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pimp+Hand

Lampshaded

Despite the fact that I only get to see it for a very short time per year, I like the cold. That is to say I like the tolerable cold. This negative six, snowing and shit we had earlier isn’t cool. But when its in the 30s-50s I can deal.

Because of this I had my window opened last night to let the air blow in and just be all relaxing. Then at three AM the fucking tall lamp near my window blew down at the perfect any to slap my in the mouth as hard as it could.

I’m not even sure how it got the angle right, worked its way around other objects and the like, but it seems that nature is trying to warn me that cold windy weather just isn’t as fun as I once thought.

Has the right-wing hijacked the Christian religion?

Well its Sunday morning and I’m out to piss people off again. But I couldn’t have said this any better myself.

Jesus would be neither a Republican or Democrat (he refused to get sucked into the partisan squabbles of his times), but when some Christians, especially many evangelicals, act like any right-thinking Christian should be on the right, I have to laugh. I think it really hurts the witness of the church, because some progressives think they have to stop fighting for justice in order to be Christian.

Here is a list for you: Martin Luther King, Jr., Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Karl Barth, Dorothy Day, Daniel Berrigan, Cesar Chavez, Dom Helder Camara, Oscar Romero, Pope John XXIII. All of them were progressive, at least in economic matters. Some, like Barth, undoubtedly the greatest Protestant theologian of the 20th century, were even socialists, though not Marxist socialists.

There are 2003 verses in the Bible on the obligation to help the poor. There are about five or six on homosexuality, and several of the ones in the Old testament are mentioned along with prohibitions on eating pork. There are none on abortion or euthansia, not that I think either of these are good things, but where is the sense of proportion? When I listen to the Christian radio station, it is dominated by right-wing preachers who talk about things like cutting the capital gains tax an opposing universal health-care. Where do they get this stuff? Not from the Bible, that's for sure.

How do you explain this?

My basic sentiments. This is one of the main problems going on right now in the Political arena. The bastardization of Christianity used to push political ideals by people who are no more moral than the people they focus their attacks on. 

Quote Taken from: http://www.answerology.com/index.aspx/question/2734068_Has-the-right-wing-hijacked-the-Christian-religion.html

Favorite Brand New Lyrics

These are my favorite lyrics from the band Brand New the slashes represent the end of a line. The part after the dash is the song title I was talking to Rickey about how awesome this band is and how they’re just going to keep getting better until they ascend into Heaven glowing like Mary.

(note, there are 12 because I suck at deciding)

Now, in no particular order…

1. “So, is that what you call a getaway?/Tell me what you got away with./Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish./I've seen more/guts in eleven-year-old kids./Have another drink and drive yourself home./I hope there's ice on all the roads./And you can/think of me when you forget your seatbelt,/and again when your head goes through the windshield.” – Seventy Times 7

2. “We saw the western coast/I saw the hospital/Nursed the shoreline like a wound” – The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

3. “It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.” – The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

4. “We slip concealed back to the keep./Concede to do the work for free./We prey as wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep.” – Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die

5. “Whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff./But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. He owes me one last wish.” – Jude Law And The Semester Abroad

6. “ "Jess, I still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you." ” – Jude Law And The Semester Abroad

7. “I hope this song starts a craze./The kind of song that ignites the airwaves./The kind of song that makes people glad/To be where they are,/With whoever they're there with.This is war./Every line is about,/Who I don't wanna write about anymore./Hope you come down with something/They can't diagnose, don't have the cure for./Holding on to your grudge./Oh its so hard to have someone to love./And keeping quiet is hard./Cause you cant keep a secret/If it never was a secret to start./At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught…” – Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't

8. “The time has come for colds and overcoats./We're quiet on the ride,/we're all just waiting to get home./Another week away, my greatest fear./I need the smell of summer,/I need its noises in my ears.” – I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light

9. “I wrote more postcards than hooks./I read more maps than books./Feel like every chance to leave/is another chance I should have took./Every minute is a mile./I've never felt so hollow./I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews/and empty aisles./My secrets for a buck./Watch me as I cut myself wide open/on this stage. Yes, I am paid/to spill my guts. I won't see home till spring./Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic,/but I am paid to make girls panic/while I sing.” – I Will Play My Games Beneath the Spin Light

10. “I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans/My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent/Bring you back to the bar/Get you out of the cold/A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes” – Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis

11. “Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.” – Guernica

12. “Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial./We are entirely smooth./We admit to the truth,/We are the best at what we do./And these are the words you wish you wrote down./This is the way you wish your voice sounds,/Handsome and smart./Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body/That works harder than my heart.” – Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't

Dungeons and Dragons Characters—Where Do They Come From?

Space Cowboy posted a blog that talked about where his D&D characters came from, what the thought processes behind them were. I decided that this was a pretty cool idea and decided to do this myself. I have had a lot of characters who came and went, but four in particular are prominent and worth talking about.

Deirdre “Dee” Saint-John—Swashbuckler/Rogue

Dee was my very first D&D character, she was actually my first role playing character in another game but her personality at the start of the game was different. She was basically the picture of hedonism and greed. Drinking, gambling, sex, and money.

But somewhere down the line adverse events caused Dee to stop drinking, stop whoring around and hone her skills as a sword fighting. Her move from one game to another saw her still reformed but more or less taking up the mantle of piracy. She’s still brash, but tinges of her noble upbringing shine through some of the time.

I think that when I think of her personality she’s part Jack Sparrow but there’s something more ruthless there. She slit a man’s throat and threw him off her ship for fear that their kidnapping would lead back to authorities back to her and her crew.

She’s my the character of mine that shows the most growth, and probably the biggest thing she’s grown is loyalty.

Madeleine Dycedrag—Scout/Ranger

Maddy was meant to fill the archer niche of the party but more than that, she was all about humility, primness, properness and intelligence and concentration. Basically she was everything Dee wasn’t, including married. While she’s typically quieter she’s also the best character I have made mechanically. Some of her attacks are simply broken and ridiculously so.

She started out on a quest to find her husband, a Paladin who had gone missing. The idea for her was partly based on a friend and partly based on the idea of presenting some duality against Dee. Later the two became like sisters and between games, when she had a child, Dee actually became Aunt Dee.

Maddy is soon to be retired from the game because her story is pretty much complete and there’s too many people in the party. (plus I have a good ending cooked up)

Barbaneth Dycedrag—Paladin of Freedom

The idea for Barbaneth is partly from the old Final Fantasy role play(his first name is straight out of Final Fantasy Tactics). He’s both a family man and a fighter. With his devotion to the greater good and family sometimes conflicting. He is easily my most positively thinking character.

At the time he was made, he was the only Paladin and he was made more for defense. His story was pretty much the classic “going off to war story”. He left home for one job and ended up getting swept into a war. In the midst of this war his wife waited until she couldn’t wait anymore and came to find him.

There was very little romance, but the idea of searching for a loved one is a common theme and its what I was going for with him and Maddy. Since they’ve been back side by side, the two are a good compliment (in one fight he basically just stood in front of her and acted as cover).

I think my favorite moments are when Barbaneth is angry. It’s good to see someone who’s usually positive take another turn.

Cissinei Saint John—Wizard

Cissinei is both my youngest and newest character. She was my first character that I had a concept for before she came into the thread. The entire idea behind her was to make a good natured, sweet, kind girl who was a Necromancer to combat other Necromancers. She even had a skeleton companion named Saxton whom she rode around on and made dance for kids.

She was probably the most anime-ish of the characters I made. She’s the super intelligent, ditzy girl who’s far too book smart. By class, she was a Wizard.

Cissinei’s stint as a Necromancer ended when another party member gave her the ultimatum to stop practicing dark magic or face the penalty of Death. Since then she’s been trying to find other avenues to her goal.

At the same time, Cissinei is the first character to have a real back and forth interpersonal relationship with another person’s character. She started dating the party Sorcerer and its probably caused some of the most interesting role playing instances.

Pellegri—Lantern Archon

Pellegri was meant to be a one shot character, basically she was supposed to be part Navi (from Zelda). She was meant to help the party in a dungeon crawl.When I started Whitefall, she followed the Cleric over and has been the most fun to write because she’s consistently stupid and misunderstands most of what she sees.

Recently her development has taken a more serious turn, she was switched into Maddy’s body and Maddy into hers. After they were switched back, she expressed interest into getting a human body of her own (she more or less resembles a small ball of light.)

Alone

If I was afraid of social interaction and scared to talk to people, it would be understandable. At least from the standpoint that I could say I have some kind of social anxiety or some other thing that I am sure some doctor out there has made notation of in a book.

But no.

What I have, if I can be said to have anything at all, is a growing need to be alone. I’m best left to my own devices and, save for a few people, I strive to deal with no one on a day to day basis. It started locally and spread to the internet. I spend my days phone off, MSN concealed behind the cloak of Appear Offline and it feels best when I do.

I try and do what others would suggest—talk to people, get out. Go places. But it feels lackluster with a few exceptions. I would say I need to fix something if it felt like I did. But it doesn’t. When I have to interact or do, it doesn’t come difficultly and I can be engaging.

I just don’t want to.

Right to Free Speech…as Long as You Say What We Want…

CBS, the company airing the Super Bowl was urged to pull an advertisement because it was anti-abortion. The ad is described below, story in source link:

The ad -- paid for by the conservative Christian group Focus on the Family -- is expected to recount the story of Pam Tebow's pregnancy in 1987 with a theme of "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life." After getting sick during a mission trip to the Philippines, she ignored a recommendation by doctors to abort her fifth child and gave birth to Tim, who went on to win the 2007 Heisman Trophy while helping his Florida team to two BCS championships.

Source Link

Remember, a few years ago someone wanted an ad pulled from the Super Bowl because it depicted a white woman flirting with a black man? Well that was pulled because it was so controversial. The Peta about how people who were vegetarian have better sex, pulled because apparently sexual innuendo is only allowed if someone can’t claim it promotes stuff they like. Now the same thing is happening again.

I like how those who profess to be for freedom and for rights and for women don’t seem to like it when any of these things work against their general message. These things aren’t grossly offensive or full of cursing and nudity. Most of them are no worse than what you can see in a PG-13 movie, but someone is always complaining about things and trying to get them pulled form TV.

Dreams

I think about the way things would have been, sometimes when I am just alone in the middle of the day or when I’m riding in my car and the radio is turned down low for no reason. I think about the value of things and the things I value and I wonder if the road I’m on will lead to any of the things I need, let alone want.

A dream is a scary thing to have, because we have hope for them. We want them to come true—even when we don’t strive for them. So when we fail, it strikes us…hard. For me having goals and dreams is like saying there’s a chance at failure. I could want to be somewhere more exciting, but in hoping for it I still might never get there. I could want to be a writer, a dreamer, a intellectual—but in trying for those things I still might never have them.

Fear could be said to be my motivating factor in these decisions, but really its failure. Without failure, or the chance of it, I would have no fear. If we knew that in our potential to do something that we dreamed of there was a guaranteed success, we’d always choose to do it. 

Then the question becomes, how do we force ourselves to act on dreams? How do we tell the viable dreams from the ones we should let go? And when is it not okay to dream?

There’s no great handbook on this. There’s no answer out there for these questions.

30K

Fifty pages, thirty thousand words...I'm pretty happy about it now. This is exactly where I wanted to be by this time. Everything is going just as planned. Ninety thousand words to go!

How Far

It’s incredible to see how far some people have come, its amazing to watch someone grow up, even a little bit. I guess its because we all grow up some but we don’t always notice it within ourselves. I look at some people and even the short time I have known them they’ve become amazingly strong individuals and gotten to a point where they might actually achieve their dreams and goals.

Really, it makes me proud to know some of the people I know.

Answered

I spent so long looking for my answer and you showed up and gave it to me when you didn’t even mean to. Thank you.

My Overkill

There’s a lot of things on my mind lately and I am in that mode where I will keep replaying something over and over and thinking about it and dwelling on it until I think it hurts me or makes me unable to move any further.

In some regard I think I have been wrong to someone but we can’t just spend all of our time apologizing and feeling sorry back and forth. We have to move past this stage but I don’t know how. And sometimes, I just think—maybe this is one of those things that just takes time?

Bias

I am constantly amazed by how little of the truth someone is willing to see when they’re biased. It doesn’t even matter if there is no truth in what they think or are saying. Even if you can prove its not so, they refuse to believe the reality of it.

It pisses me off when someone talks about liberal or conservative spin when you just throw a fact at them. These are the kinds of people better left unspoken to.

Friends, Lovers or Nothing

Now that we are over
As the loving kind
We'll be dreaming ways
To keep the good alive

Only when we want is not
A compromise
Ill be pouring tears
Into your drying eyes

Friends, lovers, or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We'll never be the in between
So give it up

You whisper "Come on over"
Cause your two drinks in
But in the morning I will say
Good-bye again

Think we'll never fall into
The jealous game
The streets will flood
With blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers, or nothing
You see
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We'll never an in between
So give it up

Friends, lovers, or nothing
We can really only ever be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
Don't you know
We'll never be the in between
So give it up

No we'll never the in between
So give it up

Deal With the Devil

Pat Robinson has stated that the Haitians are getting what they deserve for making a deal with the Devil. For those who don’t know, that deal has little to do with the practice of voodoo. In fact Haiti is about 80 % Catholic or Christian, which ever it is holds little bearing on the current post.

The cursed deal with the Devil that Robinson refers to (which has no Historic proof of existence) is this: Haiti was the first country that had slaves that broke free, they did so of their own volition and overthrew the whites that ran the country. Many in America didn’t believe a bunch of niggers could have overthrown the French like that, not that France hasn’t been walked all over by anyone with a toothpick and a wrist rocket since then.

So people in America started to believe that the Haitian Slaves had made a deal with the Devil for their freedom and that this deal is what delivered them from their captors. Because after all, the Christian God’s not in the business of liberating slaves, right? Nor is slavery wrong. So it was decided that this was what happened, not that there’s any history of anyone praying to the Devil to do it or that there is anything that doesn’t say that the whites just overestimated their control.

This is what Pat Robinson, man of God, claims the people in Haiti are suffering for. It’s assholes like this that give Christians a bad name.

That’s Enough John Mayer

Seems I am on a bit of a John Mayer kick, but its not just him. It’s a oddly combined grouping of bands that include O-ZONE (the Numa Numa people), Jet, Jem and fucking Wang Chung. I add the modifier “Fucking” before their name because they sing the song “Everybody Have Fun Tonight”…if that’s not a reason to curse I don’t know what is.

The worrying thing in all of this is that the music has become all I am doing, just sitting and listening to it. Well that and waiting hopelessly for Linux to get its narrow ass into the lap top, it seems that all those people out there who say Linux is as easy to install as Windows need to be dragged out into pasture and have their face shoved in cow shit.

Linux isn’t easy to install, its not even easy to install stuff into it, that’s probably why it comes preloaded with so much stuff. If it didn’t no one would bother to get all of that stuff. Part of what makes Windows so unstable is probably the fact that its so easily compatible. But I’d rather it fuck up 20 % of the time and have to redo it than it fuck up that one time and you’re scrambling around like a damn chimp in a house of mirrors looking for what happened.

Rambo

So I saw a little bit of a Rambo movie last night, the latest one. Was pretty impressed with the amount of violence. I have to admit, besides the fact that there more or less just a small story set up, its funny to see a movie that has a message that essentially amounts to, “Sometimes you gotta kill somebody.”

I was glad it didn’t turn out to be some sissy hug and cry bullshit at the end.

Adventure

This cold has made things quite and adventure…now when’s it leaving?

Exhausted

I need to spend several hours under the covers hiding from the world. Can’t even be bothered to write tonight. I’m just too tired.

Strawberries

Then she went up on her tiptoes and pulled Shadow down to her, and kissed him hard on the lips, pushing her mouth against his for what felt to Shadow like several minutes, and might have been as long as five seconds in real, clock-ticking time.

It was a strange kiss, Shadow thought, as her lips pressed against his: it wasn’t intended for him. It was for the other people in the bar, to let them know that she had picked sides. It was a flag-waving kiss. Even as she kissed him, he became certain that she didn’t like him—well, not like that.

Still, there was a tale he had read once, long ago, as a small boy: the story of a traveler who had slipped down a cliff, with man-eating tigers above him and a lethal fall below him, who managed to stop his fall halfway down the side of the cliff, holding on for dear life. There was a clump of strawberries beside him, and certain death above him and below. What should he do? went the question.

And the reply was, Eat the strawberries.

The story had never made any sense to him as a boy. It did now. So he closed his eyes, threw himself into the kiss and experienced nothing but Sam’s lips and the softness of her skin against his, sweet as a wild strawberry.

—A Passage from American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Cold

It seems that this cold is never going to stop, its been colder than I can ever remember it being in my life, so cold that it literally hurts to go out in it. At the same time I am starting to realize something just don’t change and time doesn’t heal wounds as fast as we would like it to. I know the drill, get up and move on—that’s the name of the game when anything bad goes down. But I kept moving for so long and not letting the big things bother me that its coming back to bite me in the ass now.

This past Christmas was the second anniversary of my brother’s death, though not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and miss him. Time really won’t remove that, I won’t get over it or just move on and all of the broken hearts in the world couldn’t do the damage that one death can.

At times I still pick up my phone and think to call him when I am bored, like I briefly forget out of force of habit. But it just makes the realization worse. I still think, “Man, John would love this shit,” when I see a movie or a game that I know he would like (Dante’s Inferno—come on tits and violence, he would have ate that game up).

And his book of drawings, the flag from his coffin and one of the swords he collected are still grouped together in my house in plain sight. A lot of bad shit has happened in the past two years, a lot of mistakes and a lot of regrets and some things I really just wish I had one more chance to do over and fix and say again or even just make one last case for. But its all piled on that one event and I don’t know how to rest and get this out. I’ve forgotten how. The stupidity of my youth protected me when my mom died, but I’m old enough to remember this and hold the thoughts of what happened close. It’s so much harder this time around.

Bad Engrish

Pretty much every time that I go to the Engrish website I am astounded by how funny it all still is. The charm of badly translated Asian signage is pretty much never lost. It might be one of the most consistently comical sites on the web.

And while some would say its cruel to make fun of foreigners, I will say to them we are foreigners somewhere and I assure you—they make fun of us too. 

Road Tank?

I’m scared to let my father see this because he might just put these on his damn car…

Words of Wisdom - 1

Just a little something I am doing because I am tried. First off here is something I worked on and finished today:

 

Two versions of a picture of a very dear friend of mine.

And there there is this, Words of Wisdom:

Squeeze

Just getting one in before tomorrow, there’s not much to say. I am looking in to getting a word count meter for this site, stay turned.

New Year

So that Calendar on your wall has outworn its welcome and its time for us to roll over to the next year in the Gregorian cycle? Does this mean you’re a new fresh person filled with change and ready to greet the world anew?

No, you’re the same sum-of-all-the-things-that-occurred-before person that you were yesterday. You’ve got the same problems, the same strengths and whether you’ve promised yourself to handle them and make the self assigned penance—it will be no easier than if you had started your transformation three months ago, or six, or  year or even two.

In essence you’re celebrating nothing except the passing of another day. I have to wonder why people want to celebrate it so much and make promises they have no intentions to keep.

Last One of 09’

There’s so much that I need to do this coming year and there is so much that I need to be careful not to do. Its weird when you have these, “This time around posts” and you can look back over them all and just see all of the things that you have said in the past and hoped for.

I don’t like reflection or looking back at things past, most of the time I would rather keep them behind me and besides a few bright moments, 2009 hasn’t been a great one for me.

Here’s to the New Year…

So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back...

Another First

Here it is, the first blog post from the new laptop, kind of hard for me considering my hands are ten times bigger than the little guy but I am still grateful for this little thing.

So between hanging out with PJ and working on getting this little guy squared away (the laptop), I got to watch Zombieland and listen to the plight of some of my male friends when it comes to women.

Its strange to say it out loud, but its shocking to me how someone can transform before your eyes and how someone can mean so much in a way you never expected them to. Its also odd to note how someone can change in your mind when you look back at them and what they put you through.

I can’t help but think back to someone in the past and compare the person I thought she was, wished she was and the people I know now. Some of them are ten times as loyal and trustworthy and a million times better as friends.

So I have done a little purging.

Oh yeah, and I need to say that I am back to work on the writing.

Had to be done

Well I didn’t want the year to end without at least one more of these things getting slapped down into here. But I have to say I am tired of 2009, been a year of pretty big loss and I am ready to see it go. Good riddance.

A quote is worth a thousand words

Mads: I'm not bad with needles as long as I don't look at them. If I look at them they hurt. The only injection I've had that didn't follow that rule was the HPV one, oh how lucky you are to never have to have it.

Me: And I can only imagine that the HPV one is very bad...I already don't want to know where the injection site is.

Mads: haha It's the arm Justin.:p

Flirtexting?

It’s painful to see that someone could actually have written a book on how to flirt over text messages. Its even more painful to hear some of the stupid information crammed into the book. “If a guy texts you after 10 PM he’s just looking for one thing…”

No you dumb bitch, he’s just texting you. This is exactly why rules for dating are dumb because they either cause someone to get the wrong idea about the most innocent thing or because they set up expectations that aren’t personal and are too rigid.

When the hell did it get so that everyone needed a damn manual to do the most mundane of activities?

Lobbyists Pushed Off Advisory Panels

THANK YOU!

I missed this somewhere in the torrent of bullshit between Tiger Woods and people trying to ban divorce to prove a point. But this is good news.

Anyone who can honestly say they believe that lobbyists are out for your best interest probably still think this is a neck massager.

It’s always nice to read good news it just makes me feel like posting this!

Damn that feels good.

Pinups for Jamie

Click the images to see a larger version:

What makes this okay?

If you’ve spent any amount of time online you’ve probably made some people that you at least consider friends in some capacity. I don’t think that this is a problem. There’s nothing wrong with making friends online.

The real issue I wanted to bring up is why is it that people feel that its alright to lie and play games with people whom they meet online. Its one thing to lie about something silly online, that’s not what I am talking about and while it might be wrong, its something small. What I am talking about is the people who take on entire personas and play games with others, making up fake names, using fake pictures. All of this, much of the time, just to see if they can get away with it, to see if they can make themselves well loved as someone else or even to embarrass the people involved.

And often times, what is the reaction of someone who sees someone else fooled like this, “Oh well, its just the internet.”

I don’t get why no one is supposed to have feelings on the internet or where the idea of this came from. But that makes it okay to trick people?

Here You Have It

“We have studied the background of Thanksgiving day- to express gratitude to the favours of the natives of the 16th century. IN principal to express gratefulness and gratitude for favours rendered is encouraged. However, Thanksgiving being a national holiday express its salient position in the American culture, which has many unislamic values and principles. Celebrating Thanksgiving purposefully or subordinately is an expression of accepting the general American Culture. It is not celebrated independent of the American Culture. In view of the above it is not permissible to celebrate Thanksgiving Day.”

This is pretty much the kind of intolerant BS I think we are seeing far too much of when it comes to the Muslim leadership. I have to ask, why come to a country if their very way of life is against your religion. And I know some of you might think this insensitive of me (not that I care, remember that most of all) but I don’t get how you can come here, say you hate what it is to be like us in any way and that to be like us is actually against your religion and that our culture is against your religion.

The way this is written and the points it makes are that Thanksgiving isn’t bad because of anything it entails…except being a part of American culture.

Quote Source

Incubus Attack

Blog Article Originally Found Here

Jason struggled to open his eyes as the oppressive pressure on his chest became more severe. He sensed a presence in the room and felt her weight pushing down on him as he struggled to breath. As his eyes opened slightly he saw the shadowy figure above in the dimly lit bedroom. Her presence and a vague sense of dread filled him as he realized that he could not move. No matter how hard he willed his body to come to life and take protective action, nothing happened. What was happening and why? Time stretched on and his fear grew. Finally his arms and legs responded and he sat up, finding himself alone in the room and shaken by this frightening visitation. He found it difficult to fall back to sleep and wondered what had happened. Had he somehow been violated? Off and on during the next day he shuddered as he thought back on the unearthly presence he had encountered in his bed room.

Jason's experience, surprisingly, is not that uncommon and is certainly not the most dramatic report of what is sometimes referred to as an incubus attack. In this case it may be more appropriate to call it a succubus attack as that is the term used to denote the demonic female presence. This kind of experience is commonly reported around the world but with differing mythological explanations. For example, in Japan they have been referred to as kanashibari, in China as ghost oppression, and in England and America as the Old Hag. Frightening and overwhelmingly realistic, these experiences are another example of a parasomnia, specifically, sleep paralysis. They can be hypnopompic (occurring while awakening) or hypnagogic (occurring while falling asleep) and are associated with frightening imagery or hallucinations.

The idea of the incubus attack is based in the medieval lore of the nocturnal demonic visitation. In one version of this lore, the demon is able to take on both male and female human shape and potentially impregnate a woman, causing her to give birth to a demonic child. The demon would initially take on the form of a female, known as a succubus, which would mate with an unsuspecting male victim. Capturing his "seed" the demon could then take on the male form, known as the incubus. The incubus would then mate with a female victim who could be impregnated with "demon seed." This frightening explanation for these nocturnal experiences is still embraced by some today, and many people who have had this experience find the demonic explanation convincing, at least initially, because the experience is so intense and apparently real.

Other explanations have, of course, been offered. For example, an embarrassing nocturnal emission might have resulted from an uninvited demonic visitor. An unexplained pregnancy may have been explained as the result of a visit by an incubus.

The scientific explanation for the incubus attack is that the person experiences a state dissociation in which part of the mental apparatus comes to conscious awareness even as the rest of the brain is in the REM stage of sleep. The body remains paralyzed so as to prevent acting out the dream. The realization that it is not possible to move contributes significantly to the unpleasant and frightening quality of this event. In addition, a potential sexual aspect to the experience is provided by the physiology of REM sleep which causes erection in men and lubrication in women. Awakening from a frightening experience and subconsciously recognizing an erotic bodily feeling lends itself to seeing a connection between the experience, and the working of dark and evil forces. The conscious experience is a combination of dream mentation superimposed on the sensory background of the room in which the person is sleeping. Long before Hollywood perfected the green screen technique or computer graphics allowed for the easy integration of the fantastic with the realistic, the brain was able to seamlessly blend together the inner world of the dream with the outer world of sense perception during these state dissociations.

It must be emphasized that for the person who has experienced an incubus or succubus attack, the rational, scientific explanation may lack the powerful emotional force of the demonic explanation. Even for trained scientists who have had these experiences, shaking the belief of having been visited by a malignant force is very difficult. An interesting account of this may found in Ronald Siegel's book, "Fire In the Brain." Many patients seeking reassurance will agree that the state dissociation explanation makes good sense but .....

The incubus attack is just one example of what can occur during state dissociations in sleep. There is also a great deal of sleep related sexual mentation and potentially many sleep related sexual behaviors. In future posts these interesting and potentially disturbing experiences will be discussed.

A Meeting In Paris

At times the pain washed over her in such a complete way, that Jo was debilitated by it. She would spend several moments on the ground unable to move; arms clutched around her body, teeth clenched and eyes watering as she bit back the sensation. Those times were rare though. More often than not, it was totally manageable or completely nonexistent.

Tonight was one of those lucky occasions when only small aching pulses came. They were spread out sparsely over the thirty minutes that she had been waiting. Any real traffic inside the walls of the Louvre had ceased in the six hours since the building had been closed, long before Jo had arrived.

Katie had indeed picked a secluded spot, if only she could have shown up on time. Jo passed the time by wandering the grounds and examining the architecture. Here and there were hints of things she recognized from the original construction, but there were entirely new buildings too. The Palais du Louvre was the kind of thing you didn’t forget, even after two hundred and seventeen years of not having seen it.

The pain swelled inside of Jo’s head bringing with it a sound; a piercing noise that filled her skull and dulled her other senses. It morphed into a gargling, throaty sound that was part scream, part high pitched tone. As she touched her head the pain began to subside.

She blinked, letting her eyes readjust to the night air. For a brief moment her perception seemed was heightened. She could hear the slow flowing waters of Seine River and taste something in the wind that couldn’t quite be identified.

“Jo! Jo!” a voice called from near the museum proper, “I’m here Jo!” as Jo turned she could already tell by the excited and eccentric tone who it was. Katie, with one arm raised and waving, rushed over the concrete toward her. “Sorry, I’m late!” she yelled as she stumbled on some unseen obstacle and tumbled to the ground.

Jo ran to help her up, trying her best not to trip herself. She’d elected to wear heels, she really hadn’t considered that she might be running. When she reached her, Katie was already climbing up, unscathed. Jo took her hand, “You’ve got to be more careful, Sonnenschein.”

Katie’s eyes took on a child-like quality at the sound of that word, “I know,” she pulled herself the rest of the way to her feet. Brushing back the side of her bangs, Katie smiled for a moment and then pounced to embrace Jo, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Jo patted her back. “How long has it been now?”

“You were gone for—“ Katie put her finger to her lip to think, “—two years.” She held up two fingers and leaned forward indicate the amount of time passed.

“Two years?” Jo repeated, “It’s frightening how fast time just flies by.”

Another jab of pain.

Jo winced slightly and Katie stepped in closer, “Are you okay?”

What do we do?

I guess I can expect to fall off my blogging streak for a while, especially with how I feel right now. I can honestly say that its been a long time since I have hurt this bad and been this afraid for the future. What do we do when everything we put stock in is slipping away?

…

And it happens again, I’m sure that it’s me that’s the problem this time. Don’t have any way to fix it, though.

I am Jack’s Rehashed Emotion

Yeah I have really been absent a while when it comes to this. A lot has happened and its hard to see where I stand and what’s going to happen next. I don’t feel like rambling on and on about a subject that, in my own mind, has become pretty tired.

I am sure we’re all better served not becoming bored with it here too.

I think that being bored with it might be a misunderstanding. I am not bored with it, its not the kind of thing you get bored with. It’s more like you’re fed up with feeling a certain way. Bored would be nice right now, bored would be peaceful.

At the same time I feel like I am missing something, like something with another friend is wrong. Recently she’s acted strange with me and she seems like she’s mad about something but I can’t, for the life of me, tell what that is.

Why do things have to be so difficult?

Character Pics

A friend of mind drew some of my characters from our role play, I really can’t wait to see the finished product, but these are just sketches. I still love these though. I’m going to actually use these for any instances in which the characters appear.

Want and Need

Sometimes it seems we put stock in things that aren’t what we needed. Even then, we put stock in them and we worry about them as if we had needed and wanted them all along. I know want and need are different things. But sometimes the line gets so blurred you can’t tell.