Easter

Today is Easter I know, and there's just something unappealing to me about having to go over to my parent's house and hang out with them. I know this might sound like something trivial, as a matter of a fact it might sound down right stupid.

But things haven't been as good as they should maybe, and like any time that I'm alone I've had too much time to think. I have pretty no idea what to do most of the time, no direction to take and I don't know how to do things that maybe I should have some idea of how to. There is this guy, he's always doing these things like trying to be so adventurous and trying to take up new hobbies and things.

I really dislike him as a person (he's a bit of a playboy) but I wonder if I shouldn't be more like him in the regard of all these little experiments and trying to 'find my self'. Can you really even find yourself?

Sometimes I don't want to do anything, sometimes I just want to sit and think. Sometimes I think that everything is a waste of time and I wonder if I can even find something to do that won't just be another waste of time. There are these times where I know that I hate how people regard me. Its not a matter of caring too much about other people. Its just wondering why they think of you a certain way. How come people feel the need to be so vocal in expressing all your faults? How come people people think its so important you conform to them.

I mean a lot of the time I find it hard to even want to answer people when they ask me for my opinion on something they're discussing. It's not that I am afraid to express my opinion, that's not it at all. Its more of the fact that I don't want to have to argue my point. Regardless of how much I think I am right, at least as far as what's for me. I mean they'll ask what I think about strip clubs or something stupid like that and of course I've never been to one, don't ever want to go or plan on going.

Of course I get the same response that I get when I don't like something and there are other people around arguing it, "Well don't knock it till you try it." It actually makes me angry now when I hear it.

As far as other people that I know, ones who I know better, I hardly get to see most of them. I think that in recent memory the best time I have has been my birthday weekend in San Antonio. I wish I could have something like that at least from time to time. And now I know I need to start making plans again and sticking to them. I said I wanted to get something published, go back to school, none of that's going to get done with out me doing something about it.