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Well they’re bringing my father back to Houston today to do the surgery, apparently the Beaumont Hospitals were ill equipped or some such.

Camisado

Been avoiding writing this here, mostly because it seemed like it might be a short term thing. My father is in the hospital with a hear problem they think, though the tests keep coming back normal, today they’re going to inject a kind of dye and try and find the clot. I just wanted to put this down somewhere because it is important to me and it worries me and writing about things usually makes me feel a little better.

Also, I think I have seriously damaged my foot, I can barely stand on it.

Protester

Stopped by a gas station today after dropping off my nephew, I was exhausted and hadn’t slept but an hour and when I walked up people were protesting Israel and the flotilla thing. One of the guys asked me what I thought about Israel’s actions.

Hm, let’s see, what do I think about a country checking boats for weapons, getting attacked, defending themselves and still trying to deliver said aid to the people it was meant for only to have it refused?

I said, “I find it hilarious.”

This guy grabs my arm, now I had just stopped to get water. I looked at him and told him, “Take your hand off of me before I take it away from you.”

Needless to say he got out of my way.

Dexter

Been watching Dexter lately, first season. I have to say that there’s something I am seeing here. Its a pattern. But I am getting it slowly and I think I know where this is going, or where I think it is going.

I am hoping its more surprising than just what I think and I know it will be.

The Long Road

There’s still a lot to do, but there’s a slight promise out there now of progress and that’s enough for me. I am starting to wish I wrote in this thing more and starting to wish I had named this blog, “The Promise of Progress”.

Maybe some other time, eh?

Writing Points

Well I have hit the 52,737 Word mark. It looks like I am actually showing some progress these days.

Get Ready

The reminder of things going on, I need to keep this note here to make sure that I realize what I am doing. I need to start thinking of the next step and stop living just in the now. I have a lot to consider and I don’t want to encounter anything that I could have prepared for but didn’t.

Someone get Rory out of Doctor Who

Seriously, he’s ruining everything!

Post

Been far too long since I have written here. Don’t have much to say right now though. I am just working a lot more on the novel and trying to pump out an actual readable product. I will be posting here more often again.

Untitled.

What’s worse than the rudeness and the subtle hint of dislike is just simply not caring. It seems to be the way of things, if you can just not care about someone until you need something from them, not even think about them—it won’t matter what they say or do. You just don’t have to care.

And it is really hard to make someone start caring and to make them pay attention. I used to be the master at trying  and fighting to be noticed by others. I think you reach a point where just stop and to some degree stop worrying about it.

But everyone is going to wonder what at least one person thinks about them. There’s always that one who’s opinion you value and usually its more than one person. The thing is, that it hurts more than anything to realize that you don’t mean anything to someone, that you’re not special in the least to them and you’re totally, helplessly replaceable.

Then all you’re left to wonder is if they ever cared and why you still do.

Truthful?

It’s always great, when writing, to have someone you can trust to be as truthful and even as brutal as possible in their assessment of your work.

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

I realize why I don’t get my hopes up on things and the like, its become pretty apparent considering that when I do or don’t do it, the result is the same. Things typically don’t go how I would have hoped. I think that hoping would have actually made it worse.

Angry

I want to tell you how I really feel about everything, but thinking about it makes me angry and I really don’t want to be angry with you. I’d much rather just stay angry with myself and never let this out.

On the Ball

I realize, what good is it with me telling you I have faith and to push through when I won’t even try to do the same myself. I need to get on the ball.

Best/Worst of the People

I just heard the most selfish fucking thing I have ever heard come out of a minister's mouth.

He was talking about the economy and saying basically that the reason why he doesn't believe in socialism is because he is "not of this world" and therefore the problems with the economy don't effect him and aren't his problem.

He went on to say, "When they are having their worst of times and its my best of times, why should I help out?"

How can anyone talk like that?

Wikileaks Video

Well its been all over the news and the web, the military has been accused of shooting some people who appear to have been journalists in Iraq in 2007. People have been pretty quick to call fault on the military, but most of them don’t really know jack shit about war, so let’s begin there.

I talked to several service people on a forum, one them who owns an RPG launcher himself, (Israeli) and they all said they couldn’t tell that it was a camera. I showed some military people I know personally, they couldn’t tell either. I couldn’t tell, though I am not that well versed in every type of rocket propelled grenade launcher. The tripod, which people also claim to see isn’t any  kind of sign that a camera is in use, snipers use tripods too.

People forget, that a bow and arrow can shoot a helicopter down…an RPG can utterly destroy it in mid air. And everyone is so quick to blame the soldiers, but you’d have done the same thing.

Let’s be honest, you're out there and not just in charge of soldiers. You're in charge of someone's son, and someone's father, and someone's husband and someone's friend, perhaps your own. The saddest part is that if that helicopter had been shot down by and RPG launcher, no one would post that story, no one would give a flying fuck and some might openly mock the military for the losses.

Then an unmarked van pulls up, of course they shoot that too. The van could have had a rocket launcher or worse inside of it. Even if it picked the people up, it doesn’t make the van not connected.

The kid in the back of the van, I can say with with a great deal of certainty that the helicopter didn’t shoot him…do you know why?

Because the bullet that goes in a 20mm machine gun would more than likely rip the kid in two and he wouldn’t have survived for them to evacuate him. So either he was injured earlier or it was shrapnel. Why do people think that medics wear those red crosses? For the symbolic nature of a red cross? No its because it keeps you from getting shot while doing your job. The same goes for ambulances, medivac choppers and the like.

So what we have here is an honest mistake blown out of proportion by a website whom had to have gotten this video through some illegal means and has been accused as such by other governments. We have a video where there appears to be someone with a gun, at least once and some news people standing near them. People, you can’t stand in a warzone and hold a gun without someone trying to shoot you and you can’t expect the military to have a helicopter wait around by a potential rocket launcher for someone on the ground to jog over and confirm.

Be realistic people.

The Kind of Case That Makes You Worry About Our Culture…

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sns-ap-us-teen-sister-sex,0,3357813.story

Long story short: A fifteen year old girl went to a party, her seven year old sister, worried, followed her. At the party, the older girl was having sex with someone and it somehow led to her taking cash in exchange for letting the men gang rape her sister…

I don’t think I can say anything good about any of the people involved in this. The reports say seven people joined in on the rape—let’s excuse the fact that gang rape makes little to no sense to me in the first place—how do you wander up and see someone raping a seven year old and take any action other than leaving or trying to intervene.

There are some crimes where you are excused or even expected to join in. Looting, riots, fleeing an area when cops come in a little too enthusiastically…

Rape is something that should disgust and bother anyone so much that they should be going to call 911 right off the bat. Let’s take another case: A fifteen year Irish girl who lived in Massachusetts was sexually harassed, assaulted and stalked to the point of committing suicide. 

Many school officials saw some of the behavior going on, while they didn’t join in, no one stopped it. I remember the whole “Don’t Snitch” thing that went around for a long time in hip hop culture and how people were so quick to make fun of it. But the culture of the land seems to be at best based on “It’s not my problem” and in some cases we just join in. The issue shows up time and time again, people being mistreated in public and no one saying anything about it. No one even caring.

I understand there are times you don’t butt in and its not your place. But it should be obvious when someone is being physically hurt for no reason or no good one, that’s not one of them.

Issues in the Dark

The other night when I drove home it was around eight at night. In the winter it would have been pitch black by then, but it’s just getting really dark at that time. Even then, I noticed I could hardly see. It seemed so hard to drive and just see the road and I mentioned it to my dad.

He blamed the lack of the moon.

Then last night it happened again, under the biggest moon I’ve ever seen in the sky. Now I am getting scared I might have night blindness, I’m hoping its something else or just my imagination. But we shall see tonight.

Long Road

Having someone with whom to bounce ideas off of has been pretty good when it comes to writing because I can get a sense of what I need to do to make my own work come out better.

A lot of my work with the story has been concentrating on the second novel but I think that I realize that now I need to refocus on the first and getting it into a workable product for someone to read.

Things that I had planned and wanted to do before in different stories, I figure I should do them now. I think I should make everything I think should happen, happen and not hold back for some later thing. Most importantly I think that if you hold all of your ideas for some later tale, why wouldn’t someone just read that if all the good ideas are going there?

To those out there that have edited, helped me sort things out and read over something—thank you. There’s still a long road to go.

A Measure of Progress

I found a story that I read when I was younger and first coming into my own as a writer. It was around the time I stopped writing fan fiction and started writing my own characters and worlds…

It was a story from the perspective of a soldier killed by Snake (the main character from Metal Gear Solid). It went on in detail to describe the soldiers feelings and thoughts as he died and it painted him as remorseful and someone to be thought of as more than a useless pawn…

…reading it now it’s like pretentious garbage. I can’t believe that a younger me would be taken in by this kind of thing. It’s a measure of maturity and of progress. Back then I thought it was so deep and so beautiful and poetic. Now I almost laugh to read it. Which I know is wrong, but I think that this says more about me than my old writing compared to my writing now.

Back then I thought, “If I could just write like that I would be set.”

Now what I am aspiring to do is so much more.