Just a Preference?

“It’s not racism, its just my preference—I don’t date X men/women.”

You hear people say this, see them say it on sites and some obviously think it by how they act about things when it comes to race and dating. The “its not racism…” opener usually means you’re about say something at least vaguely racist. Saying “I’m not racist but Chinese people are mean” doesn’t make you not racist.

I understand preferences in looks, we all have them. But you mean to tell me that if you met someone of a certain race that was perfect except for they were a race that’s not your preference, you would drop them based on that one thing. There’s attractive people of every race, so its hard to say you couldn’t find one in that race. And the idea of worrying about what others think about you is actually rooted in racism too.

When you look at the preference thing, I usually don’t find far eastern Asian women that attractive but if I found the perfect women for myself and she happened to be Asian I would be a fool not to speak to her based on race.

I think people need to get out of their boxes of conventionalism and look more to being open minded in ways that actually mean something. “Not my preference…” sounds like an excuse for you to be racist without having to say so and if you’re not willing to at least give someone a look because they happen to be white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Arabic or whatever…then you should just call it what it is.

The News Cycle

The twenty four hour news cycle is destroying America.

Doctor Who

I am beginning to think that Doctor Who is my perfect show. I just can’t imagine it being better than when I’m curled up watching Matt Smith and Karen Gillian run around.

Unattainable

She is smart, quirky, gorgeous and personable. Her creative side is alive, flamboyant and in-your-face. She’s got a following of friends and a good-girl past that’s sent ripples through the surface of everything she does. I’ve never witnessed her being nasty or rude to someone and she’s always been respectful and nice to me.

The woman is unattainable perfection. That awkward duckling who grew up to be everything I crave in a friend and another person. I can’t tell her this because for the past six years or so we’ve been pretty much just friends even when we were out for Valentines or talking on the phone late at night.

There are the kinds of friends you feel like you deserve and the kind of girls whom you think you could get, she’s never been either.

And what keeps me from hoping for more, truthfully, is the fact that she and I are unfathomable together. But she’s a good friend, supportive, helpful and true.

It seems like when I’m dealt someone truly amazing that I want to keep around its always got these dire consequences attached.

Daughters

For as long as I can remember wanting to get married and have kids, I’ve always wanted daughters and not sons. Now I know that to most men the idea of having a daughter isn’t want they want to do. For some it might be because they fear the bad karma of what they did to women coming back on them.

I really can’t say I’ve done too much to women.

The scary thing to me about having a little girl and the fact that she would have to grow up is the kind of things that happen with boys, the kinds of things kids do when they’re in love or when they think their in love and the need some other kids have to take advantage of that. It can hurt being a guy, but it always seemed like the shame that was lumped on my friends that were girls was always worse than it would have been in the same situation for boys.

And that’s what scares me, the fact that in 2011 the world is showing no sign of being where it should be where women are concerned. We have cases of women being cheated out of their money in the work place, we have cases of young girls being made to apologize to their rapists in person and we have a society that shuns a man for engaging in dog fighting and champions one who has beaten his girlfriend to the point she goes to the Hospital.

I don’t want my little girl growing up in a world like this one. Hell, I don’t want my little boy growing up in it.

The Problem with Video Games

At least in the modern sense, video games are moving more toward the multiplayer online genre than they are the play at home alone games. It used to be something that you did alone and there was sometimes a story, sometimes it was you versus the computer and that’s it and sometimes you even learned something, that was rarer. Recently though the whole thing is about playing against others in competition and really I feel like it’s a bit of a waste because there was so much potential in the stories that could be told and the things that could be done but its often squandered on these new games without any story at all. So much so, that games that do have stories throw something together just to sell with the multiplayer component.

It seemed like I used to put so many hours into a game…and get something cool out. What do I have to show for winning against a bunch of people I don’t know? There’s no story, the characters are usually clichés or archetypes propped up to give some appearance of character or style.

I feel like there’s little to no incentive to make a story when the average person only plays the game to unlock something. It feels like an entire aspect of a medium is dying…

Pandora

Not the planet from that shitty movie.

I’m talking about the music application and website. Its seriously one of the best inventions in recent years online. I would say since You Tube. I mean I spend so much time listening to it and its easily better than the real radio. For one I’m not subjected to endless commercials or bullshit I don’t want to hear.

Pandora is the future.

Good Things [Don’t] Come to Those Who Wait

I can’t really understand the whole thing people say about not looking for relationships and that’s when you find them. It’s the common little phrase, “once you start looking that’s when you find someone.”

It’s bullshit, you don’t normally find anything by not looking for it. I think that the only way to get something good is to work for it, not sure why relationships would be any different.

Just Exhausted

I’m at the point that I don’t know if I can deal with people’s BS anymore and really I would think I wouldn’t have to most of the time but it’s a constant issue. People are too busy telling you all of the minor details of something you don’t care to know or they’re preaching at you about something that if you had wanted advice on you would have asked.

Having time off from work is a blessing that I really don’t think I can be thankful enough for, at the same time I don’t know how I make it through the days at work some of the time. Jobs shouldn’t be there to place undue stress on you and then pay you too little for what you do.

I’m working it out in my head, which is all I seem to ever be doing. But I need to find another course of action, what I really want is out of this state—in every since of the word. It’s strange to be proud and love a place for so many reasons and hate it at the same time. It seems that realistically it is people that ruin everything. They ruin jobs, they ruin good shows, books and movies; and more often than not they make things harder for, and ruin each other.

Most of all I’m tired of trying in a lot of ways too.

Stay Safe

I doubt you’re reading this but things are bad over in your country right now and people really can’t seem to agree why. Some of them are blaming race while the good money is on poverty. I heard it didn’t get so bad in your own city, but I am not sure where you’re at exactly right now…so this is just me saying despite everything that’s happened you’re still in my prayers and I hope to God you’re okay and safe through all of this.

Stay safe, M.

Forward From July

For a moment I wasn’t sure if I would come back here. July was a very hard month and there’s nothing harder than thinking for so long you’ve lost all ability to care only to find out how very wrong you are. I lost my Grandmother and a friend all in one month, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the changes and all I can tell now is that there will be a hole in my life. One I don’t think I can cover up.

I went through a breakup too, though that effected me less than any break up ever has. I was proud of myself for how I handled it considering that it happened right after I had gotten back from the funeral. I used to think I weak when it came to those things, but I guess I’m not.

Losing one of my best friends after all of this though, it felt like having my heart ripped out and I didn’t know what response to take and use. I’ve chosen to do what I’ve always done…with one distinct difference, I’ll make her proud. Even if I never speak to her again, I’ll make sure of that. Because I was always proud of her and I always thought she was a good friend, I still do.

It seems July has been a bad month for all, the economy on the verge of collapse, the Middle East seems to be boiling back over into a state of deeper war, and countless other problems. I know in the large scope of things I’m not that bad off. But doesn’t someone saying that kind of piss you off? I mean it doesn’t matter that you’re not, it still hurts and even if you know people are suffering more—is that supposed to make you feel better?

What kind of sick fuck revels in that?

All I can say is that there’s one other thing to do: love. I love my friends, even those I can’t talk to. Even if all I can do for them is pray. And, yes, that even means you, you brilliant girl. Because you taught me more about myself and life than I can repay you for. And my family and friends here, I can huddle them closer, because let’s face it. It’s an ever dwindling number. And I can write, I need to write its all I have in me that can solve my problems now. Writing is a way out of this life, it’s a way to make something of myself and for myself. It’s a way I can take pride in something I’ve done and have those around me feel proud too.

Stepping back and taking a look at my life, all I can say is that there will come a day, hopefully soon, when I can actually feel I’ve done something right and maybe then I’ll see what others are talking about when they mention me.